Sunday, July 10, 2011

July 10

Here is Audrey painting with water outside in the driveway. I saw this idea a long time ago, and I have been meaning to do it with Audrey. It's so easy and cheap and not messy! Just a paintbrush and a bucket of water, and Audrey was all set to play for a long time. When it was time to go in, Audrey said, "We do this again next week."
We brought Isla's bouncy seat out so she could hang out with us too. This little girl loves to be outside! She is so fussy when you set her down by herself inside, but set her down outside and she is totally content. I think the fresh air and warm temps help her to relax.
It's tempting to leave this post as is and make you think that we are all happy and having fun all day long. But that would not be the truth. To be honest, there were several moments today and in the past few weeks, where I have really questioned my ability to be a mom, specifically a stay at home mom.

I've said before that the newborn stage is frustrating to me, and that is still true. Isla continues to be fussy. And I just don't know how to deal with it or how to make it better. What is wrong with her? I want someone to tell me why she is upset, so that I can fix it and make it better for her. But there is no one to tell me what to do, and so we are just left guessing and trying to figure things out. Then, once we think we have things figured out, she changes and does something different, so we start all over again. I get frustrated/angry/stressed out when she is crying and unpredictable.

(Even though I know that crying and being unpredictable is exactly what she should be doing as a newborn. I think I want her to be this incredibly unusual baby who is just happy and content all the time...wouldn't that be nice?? But then, she probably wouldn't need me, and that would be kind of sad too, wouldn't it?)

Then you add a two year old into the mix. Audrey's crazy mood swings and whining and constant talking, along with a crying newborn, is just about enough to push me over the edge sometimes. Honestly, Audrey is really doing a good job with being a big sister and being around Isla; I'm really proud of her. But she is still two, and she still acts very much like a normal two year old. There was one point tonight when I was alone with them, and they were both crying. It was all I could do to not join right in with them.

I don't have any answers tonight, just lots of rambling. I know these days are short and that they will be over all too soon. Before I know it, the girls will grow up and get more independent. Then I know I will wish that I could have my little babies back with me. I remind myself of this about 500 times a day to help me remember to enjoy this time and not stress out about it!!!


Julie Davison said...

Hang in there! I know it's rough, but it will get better! The first few months are always the hardest until new babies find their rhythm. I don't have any magic answers. Lots of playdates helped me get through those days. With other moms who completely understood if I hadn't had a chance to shower yet that day. Also, long walks. I used to talk T & C up and down State St. We actually used to walk to Family Video almost every day. They have free Kid's Movies, so we'd pick out a new one each time we went. We often never watched it, but it was "somewhere to go" and gave the two year old something to hold on the way home! Sounds like Isla is an outdoors girl, so long walks may be your ticket. We also used to walk to the school by Baskin Robbins...Maybe Isla will sleep and Audrey will be worn out for her afternoon nap. All the walking helped me shed the pregnancy pounds too! :)

Lizzie said...

Hang in there. I won't lie - there has been a time or two that I have just sat down and cried with my kids. It always made me feel better to just get it out. Don't let yourself feel guilty - just do what you need to do to get through the hard days.

Post a Comment